Understanding How Challenges Can Break You Apart

Challenges to a romantic relationship come in the form of problems and issues. Ideally, they are intended to further reinforce bonds while testing the love and sincerity of both partners for each other. They do not come easy. They may ignite disagreements. Worse case scenarios result to riffs that eventually broaden until the relationship dissolves completely.

Why do challenges sometimes break up couples instead of further strengthening their bond? Ponder on the following answers:

Both of you or one of you is resistant to change.

In life, change is a fixture. Regardless of circumstance or prevailing issues, it will come. It will take place whether you choose to embrace it or not. As with other kinds of relationships, couples are prone to experiencing changes. There is no telling the exact way whereby these can take place since situations vary on a per couple basis. Because it is inevitable, partners should remain flexible (as much as possible or all the time). Doing so not only promotes their growth as a couple. But it also makes their bond stronger and more resilient. Thus, they can be expected to stay together. Problems do not break them. Instead it further intensifies their love and trust for each other.

You (or both of you) deliberately choose to turn a blind eye to persisting problems.

Who does not want a harmonious relationship absolutely free of rough patches? But this is not how relationships are developed and proven. As with all else, challenges will line the course and put the couple to the test. These challenges are problems and issues that may arise from all sorts of things that either directly or indirectly involves them. They may manage to avoid some but not all. But what is most important is that they stay together and work with each other to overcome their challenges.

Every time problems surface, they should discuss it and try to find ways to resolve it while carefully considering each other’s feelings and welfare. Evading them does not guarantee that they will not be forced to face it later on. Denying it will only aggravate their situation. Why? The more they delay acknowledging it, the bigger the problem grows. In turn, as the problem worsens, the greater the pressure is for them to find an effective solution. If delayed too long, they may experience time constraint, which further aggravates and complicates matters.

If it happens that one or both of them spot the problem before it becomes full blown, they should take a proactive stance and come up with the best way to address it. Issues and problems are better handled during the early stages. If not, they more they should take on a proactive mindset, and work even more closely together to find the best approach. 

How to Deal Effectively with the Hurdles

As much as people would want their relationships to be smooth sailing, reality always poses challenges along the way. But troublesome as these are, they are meant to strengthen bonds, not break couples apart. If they become the cause of breakups, it only goes to show that the couple has not yet fully matured to strengthen their connection by learning to respect differences while staying and working together as a team. To slue you in on how you and your partner can best approach and handle issues and problems, here are two helpful pieces of advice.

Avoid venting your stress on your partner.

Having a bad day at work? Worried about the bills? Problems are part and parcel of daily life. You and your partner are equally susceptible to issues. These may not always involve both of you at the same time. It happens (and you know it) that you have your own individual problems to deal with. Either way, do your best not to take out your problems on each other. Remember: no matter how stressful life gets, you must avoid venting your frustration and exhaustion on your partner. Although this is a common tendency among people, particularly if they cannot express themselves freely for whatever reason, you know how this can jeopardize your relationship.

At times, you or your partner may be having a hard time coping with life issues like loss of a loved one, job problems, and many more. Other situations like conflicts at work and serious health problems can make it challenging for both of you to associate with one another as well. During times like these, practice caution with your actions and words. Before you act and speak, take a deep breath and try to evaluate if what you will be doing or saying will not cause unwanted repercussions. Do not allow your stress and feelings to override your reasoning. Think before you speak. Always bear in mind that words said in anger can hurt your partner for an indeterminable period.

Do not force solutions to a problem.

By now, you do know that at times problems can be beyond both of you. No matter how much you want it resolved right away, know that forcing solutions may only aggravate the situation. It is not about whether you both agree with one solution or not, but it would be helpful to acknowledge that despite concurrence, you both have unique ways of approaching and solving a problem. Nonetheless, relationships succeed due to both partners willingness to reconcile differences. Among these are the way they differ in terms of facing and managing problems and issues. To keep everything in the right perspective, never lose sight of the fact that you are a team. Despite personal differences, you should pool your efforts to work towards achieving a common goal. You are not supposed to compete with each other. Power struggles and individual insecurities poison what could have been otherwise harmonious and happy relationships.

Keep the Love Alive!

No two couples have the same relationship. Given inherent differences and surrounding circumstances, this is expected. Thus, you cannot directly compare how yours fare alongside those of others. Your bond is unique in as much as the same way that both you and your beau are one-of-a-kind persons in your own right. Yet despite differences, there exist common traits that unify all lasting, loving relationships. As the basic principles behind every successful romantic relationship, they provide meaning, fulfillment, and excitement through good times and bad:

 

So what traits characterize a healthy romantic relationship?

 

• Both partners are involved in each other’s lives.

 

Coexisting harmoniously by getting along with each other does not automatically imply that you are involved in each other’s lives. Involvement means relating to one another and working together to keep the relationship thriving. You may be an a-okay on the surface—hardly any arguments, good rapport, etc. But if you feel like a total outsider in his life, and vice versa, then you need to work on increasing involvement. Furthermore, if communication is lacking, then the gap widens all the more. If you feel like an outsider in his life, then your involvement is questionable.

 

• They can manage conflict well.

 

Disagreements are common between couples. Though both of you are willing to compromise, expect that you will not see eye to eye in everything and anything. Whether or not you resolve this quietly or through bickering and loud arguments, how you get through it is most important. Healthy couples are not fearful of conflicts. Partners should be comfortable about airing their opinions openly about matters that bother them individually. Neither one of them should not be held back by fear of humiliation, degradation and being overshadowed.

 

• Each partner keeps his/her own interests and relationships (non-romantic).

 

Couples may be crazy about each other. But they should never fall into the trap of thinking that either one of them answers all individual needs. If one of them sees things this way, then he can put too much pressure on his partner. Healthy relationships have couples that acknowledge their need of one another while still keeping their own friends and relationships with other people. Each partner has his/her own sets of interests apart from those he/she shares with the other.

• They communicate.

But not just communicate. They communicate honestly and openly. If something bothers them, they bring it out into the open. They are comfortable in each other’s presence. When either one of them has to say something, they do so without fear or discomfort. Direct communication fuels and further strengthens their bond. But communication is not just limited to speaking. This includes non-verbal communication evident in the following: eye contact, body movements, touching, etc.